NOTE: Trigger Warnings—this is a rough essay about death and cancer. I think it’s an important essay to read, and very powerful, but it’s also very sad and even disturbing in parts, particularly if you’ve gone through this yourself. So just a warning of what to expect. Read it in small doses if you find it too personal or disturbing.
A link to the essay with pictures: http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/a34905/matthew-teague-wife-cancer-essay/
Answer TWO
of the following:
Q1: At one
point in the essay, Teague writes that “She drifted away on Haldol, an ocean
measured in milliliters” (292). This essay uses metaphors often, as a way of
trying to help us relate to the unfathomable and unimaginable. Discuss another
metaphor in the essay that is particularly helpful in imagining the events or
ideas the author is trying to explain. What does it help you ‘see,’ and why do
you feel it’s appropriate?
Q2: Talking
to a counselor, Matthew is told “Before this is over…you will long for it to
end.” His response is, “Never” (282).
But what did the counselor know that he didn’t? What couldn’t he know then that
he learns in the course of the essay (though he never actually wants her to
die, of course).
Q3: This
essay isn’t called “The Wife” or “The Husband,” but “The Friend.” Why does he
focus more on Dane than himself or his wife? Why is his role perhaps the most important
part of the story, and the one he wants to help us appreciate and understand?
Q4: Unlike
many stories of death and loss, this essay documents the aspect that doesn’t
make it into TV movies or movies in general: the anger and vindictiveness of
the wife against the husband. Why do you think he includes this in his essay?
Is he getting revenge on his wife for all the suffering she put him through? Is
it insensitive? Or is there another reason we need to see this?
2) Nobody wants to watch their beloved die a most gruesome death. When Matthew said "Never" he was just thinking that he wouldn't ever want Nicole to die. And while this is true, it is better to die in peace than to suffer and die anyways. The counselor knew this and he knew that Matthew would learn this heartbreaking fact eventually too. He knew that Nicole would be in so much pain and on so many drugs that she would eventually start to lose her mind. Nobody wants that to happen, and Matthew most likely hadn't even thought about it that way. Cancer is a very sad and cruel process, eventually you would want it to be over.
ReplyDelete3) Matthew focuses more on Dane during the essay because Dane was the main reason Matthew was able to stay sane. He knew that Matthew would be more focused on trying his hardest to keep Nicole alive than keeping up with his home or his livelihood. Dane helped out around the house and with Matthew's daughters and even with Nicole. He even took Matthew away so that he could recover some from his then current ordeal. Dane wasn't a biological or even legal part of that family. But he was a part of it nevertheless. He left his whole life behind in order to help take care of Nicole and her family. People like him are extremely rare.
Ashley Robertson
2. I think that the counselor knew that Nicole wasn't going to survive her circumstances and that things were only going to get worse. Matthew seemed to think that Nicole was going to die a rather painless death and that she would not suffer long. He learns how much pain and suffering that not only Nicole goes through, but that he himself goes through in dealing with her cancer. He learns just how mad that going through something like this can drive a person and sees a side of Nicole he probably thought that he would never see. He couldn't have possibly imagined the things that he would be exposed to in dealing with Nicole's cancer, from her hatred towards him at times to having to dress her wounds to food coming out of her abdomen.
ReplyDelete4. I think the reason that the anger and vindictiveness Nicole felt towards her husband was included was because that is a part of the couple's experience in dealing with cancer. Matthew isn't getting revenge on his wife, nor is what he is saying insensitive. He simply wants people to know exactly what he and Nicole went through. He wants to help prepare people for what he and everyone else wouldn't be prepared for. He wants people to have an idea of what to really expect when dealing with cancer. Nobody knows exactly everything that you can expect from this kind of situation; he just wants people who read this essay to be prepared for anything.
Coleman King
Q2: The counselor knew that before this would end he would be begging for her pain and suffering to stop, to end by any means. The worse someone gets the harder it is to watch them go through it. It makes you think they would be better off not feeling anything anymore.
ReplyDeleteQ3: This essay is called “The Friend” because his constant through this entire ordeal is their friend Dane. He was the rock that kept him grounded. Dane was the one who kept him from falling apart when things would start getting bad. Dane made sure he took care of not only his wife and kids but himself as well.
By Danielle Cantrell
Japheth Cardwell
ReplyDelete“The Friend”
Q2: He didn’t fully understand how hard it would really become. The counselor understood and most likely experienced it through other peoples lives the drastic hardship that people undertake during all of this. He had no guidance, no way of knowing that everything he was used to and he understood would be shaken up and thrown on the ground to just explode. It’s something that nobody can prepare for, and when you’re not prepared, you usually tend to not be able to finish.
Q4: I feel that he included this into his essay very simply because it shows very vividly what it all does to you. How you have everything you’ve known be completely wrecked. She lost meaning and hope and when you lose all of that, you lose happiness. And it’s simple, when you’re not happy, you are sad, and you can’t be sad for long, and soon, that sadness turns to anger and aggression. And this isn’t portrayed everywhere because it’s not the beautiful death we all believe it to be. Instead of love and compassion pulling through the entire time, we see this angered and hateful and broken relationship formed. I think that provides the image of how brutal the process is, and the toll it takes on us morally.
Japheth Cardwell
Q-3 the essay is called "The Friend" due to the man's friend being the strength and shoulder for he and his dying wife to lean on and help care for them. The friend is always the guy who keeps his head about him and doesn't "lose it". The author writes this about his friend to help us see why the author appreaciates the help and care given to him from the friend. I do not believe that he is getting revenge on his wife, rather explaining that there is more to the given situation.
ReplyDeleteQ-4 I believe that the author includes the other unknown side of events to give the readers a better understanding of not just what he went through, but death isn't as romantisised as it's commonly believed.
ReplyDeleteQ1: One if the metaphors that struck me was one of the first ones in the essay. "It's everywhere," he said. "Like somebody dipped a paintbrush in cancer and flicked it around her abdomen.". This shows the horror of cancer and how terrorizing it is. If the cancer is everywhere, there is no saving the person.
Q4: I personally think that the author described his experience in such detail to show how horrible it is to lose someone you love that you had no control over. I don’t think it’s revenge. I think it’s more of a coping mechanism. I doubt he hates his wife for dying, he is just coping after the loss.
- Noah Parsons
Q2 The counselor more than likely had dealt with this before with other patients, resulting in his common opinion, while Matt had truly believed in his ability to overcome this obstacle.
ReplyDeleteQ4- The author probably planned on shedding some light on how people have been through this situation. He also couldve been gearing towards the aspect that is not ever shown which is that most people dont go out as heroes like the movies and that love cant exactly overcome every obstacle but more or less become a numbing shield. Jordan Bussey